Chapter 8
The drive to Detroit was long and cold, but it was worth it. I hadn't told Summer I was coming home sooner than expected. I wanted to surprise her, maybe show up with a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. Her birthday was around the corner so I knew she'd appreciate it.
I barely kept quiet in the car. I kept rambling about how excited I was to get back home that even Jamila got tired of my talking and fell asleep.
We drove past the rusted sign with the words "Welcome to Detroit" on it. My heart began to dance. I was really home.
I glare outside the window at the kids playing in the streets, some being called by their parents to come back into the house as the street-lights went on. To my surprise, the old man who used to pick up trash on the side of the roads was still around, cleaning the streets with a black refuse bag in his hand. I remember wishing as a young kid that I was able to go outside and help him. The three women who lived at the top of our rod and were known for being nosy sat in one of their lawns, probably catching up on weekend gossip. We continued to down the road past Grandma Ruth's house, who I waved to as she locked her gate. She gave me a warm a smile and waved back. She was a sweet old woman who I had always wished to visit one day too, but my mother would never allow it. She told me that I couldn't trust anyone, except her and Jamila
The closer we got to home, the more I felt the joy inside of me grow. We passed Summer's house and I looked through the window trying to make out if she was in there or not. The bright light in her room went on and I smiled in excitement. Soon after, we stopped in front of the grey house which I called home. Home, sweet home.
Instead of waiting for my mother's permission to leave the car as I usually do, I bolted out and went straight into the house. Jamila ran after me in excitement and my mother followed with my bags.
"Amari! What did I say about only leaving the car when I say you can!?" my mother yells while closing the door behind her. I was too overwhelmed by joy to answer her. I looked around the house taking every single thing in. The little wash basin in the corner where I'd wash dishes against their will, the dinner table from where I'd watch Summer walk to school through the window every day. The lounge wall which was decorated with pictures of me, my father, my mother and Jamila. I had missed it all.
My mother gives me two light slaps at the back of my head, making Jamila giggle.
"I'm speaking to you, young man," she says impatiently.
"Sorry?" I shrug. She sighs and shakes her head. Our nanny appears from her room and gives me a tight hug as well. I had two months to stay in this beautiful, warm home before schools opened again, and I was going to enjoy every second of it.
I kissed my mother's cheek and ran off to my room with my bags. The door made the same screeching sounds when I opened it as it did before. I hated the sound before, but now, it was music to my ears. It reminded me that I was finally home.
My room was clean and tidy. It was quite obvious that my mother continued to do hr cleaning rounds every week. This week, she went out her way as I could smell the clean linen when I walked in. I took in the fresh scent before unpacking and folding my clothes back into my wardrobe, where they rightfully belonged.
Halfway through doing this, I remembered the times I'd speak to Summer through my window. I knew I'd be risking it by opening my window at night. We'd probably have to speak even louder since she'd be at her window and not at the wall, which would increase the chances of my mother hearing us. The best thing to do would be to speak to her tomorrow while my mother is out, but I miss her now. I need to speak to her now.
I open my window as slowly as possible to minimise the screeching sounds it makes, until it is fully opened. I pick a few f my least favourite marbles from the ones I have in my backpack and throw them at Summer's window, hoping they won't break it. It doesn't take long for her to open the window with the widest smile plastered on her face.
"I knew I wasn't crazy when I thought I saw you running into the house!" she screams while jumping up and down.
"Shh, not too loud," I chuckle while pointing at my mother's room behind mine.
"Sorry," she mouths. I laugh while positioning myself on the windowsill. Once I'm seated comfortably, I rest my head in my hands and stare into her eyes while she does the same. She was really here. Not right next to me as I had wished, but she was closer than usual, and that was precious.
"I want us to go out tomorrow," she whispers softly, but loud enough for me to hear.
"Any suggestions on how I can leave the house? I'm basically still imprisoned here," I remind her.
She places her hand on her cheek taking a minute or two to think. She opens her mouth to speak, but then closes it again.
"Maybe i should make a deal with our nanny," I suggest. Her eyes widen.
"I don't know Mari," she says, doubt clearly evident on her voice. "I mean, she'd been working for your mother for years now. She'd never break her rules, especially this one."
"Yeah, but I mean what if she would? She's our only option right now, and we'll never know if she'd allow this or not unless I ask."
"Fine. But, let's say she doesn't allow it. She'll run to your mother and tell her that YOU tried to leave the house behind her back. Then, your mother will probably seal your windows, and you'd never come back to Detroit, and then..." I interrupt Summer before she goes into a panic attack.
"Summer, trust me, okay? Have I ever let you down?" I ask 'Yes, you have, like ll the times you cheated on her with her best friend," the voice in my head reminds me. I ignore the voice.
"Well,no. you've never let me down." she says sweetly.
"Then I won't let you down this time. I'll speak to our nanny in the best way possible. I'll convince her to let me see you! I'll tell her that I love you and that if she doesn't allow me to see you, then she'd basically be denying me my life!" Summer's cheeks turn crimson red and she faces the other way in attempts to hide this. It's not easy for someone with skin as clear as her to hide when her cheeks are red from blushing.
"Now there's that smile! How could someone with a smile that beautiful barely smile?" I ask admiring her dimples and perfect white teeth.
"I do smile, just not as much when you're not around," she admits shyly. I try to stop myself from blushing like she just did, but when she giggles, I'm convinced my cheeks are an even darker shade of red.
"Summer Johnson, you are beautiful." I continue to admire her while she continues to blush uncontrollably.
Summer and I stayed in this position chatting, laughing and gossiping. I couldn't get enough of her, and even when the wind began to blow harder, I didn't want to leave her. Eventually, we both went to bed because we'd need the energy for the exciting day we had planned. I knew exactly what I was going to say to the nanny, and I was 99.9% sure that it would work.
I slipped underneath the millions of blankets that were laid on my bed and held onto my pillow, wishing it was Summer's body next to mine.
The next morning I woke up before anybody else did, because I was finding it hard to stay asleep. I had woken up a numerous amount of times during the night because of fear of how this day would go. I really wanted to go out with Summer, and I couldn't afford to let her down, not after cheating on her so many times.
I went right into the first step of my three-step plan. If I wanted to gain favour from our nanny, the best thing to do would be to cut her some slack. She'd appreciate that, right?
Silently, I cleaned the kitchen and living room till the tiles looked new again. I vacuumed the furniture and dusted the tables.I washed all the dishes and some old containers that sat at the back of the kitchen cupboard and had gained dust because of how rarely we used them.
I picked up and packed away Jamila's toys which were scattered on the living room floor and straightened out the tablecloths on every table. Lastly, I picked up the old family pictures which stayed on the TV-stand next to the TV. They were form back then when my father was still alive, and we were all happy. In the picture, I had on a blue onesie, while Jamila had on a white one. I was standing next to my tall and dark father who I looked very much like. The only difference between us was our complexions. Jamila was in my mother's arms who was wearing a uniform that appeared to be from McDonald's. I mean...it looked a bit different from the uniform that McDonald staff members wear now, but I was certain that's where the uniiform came from.
"What are you doing up so early?" I jump up startled and drop the frame to the ground. The glass in front of it breaks. I turn around and find my mother rushing towards me.
"Amari! That was my favourite frame!" she whines.
"Mom..." I say nervously. "I didn't think you'd be up so early." She sighs and picks up the picture from the broken glass surrounding it. She smiles while looking at the picture.
I allow her to scan it for a minute before saying anything.
"I didn't know you worked at McDonald's."
She chuckles nervously, or out of embarrassment. I'm not sure between the two.
"I did," she admits.
"Oh," I say. "But, what about the pictures from our album.." I say clearly recalling the pictures of my mother wearing her supermarket uniform holding Jamila as a baby. That picture and the one in her hand were taken during the same year: the year that Jamila was born. Did she manage to work at two jobs within one year?
"Oh! Yes, those...I worked at McDonald's in the beginning of the year, and then started at the supermarket as the year came to an end," she explains. Well, that makes everything clear.
I swept up the broken glass while my mother prepared breakfast. Tat was actually step two of my "gain favour from the nanny" plan, but I guess my mother had beat me to it. She was quite impressed with how clean everything was, an when she asked me what it was I wanted in return for doing so many chores, I avoided her questions with a simple: "Can't a son decided to do something sweet for his mother?"
She laughed off my response and prepared an abnormally large breakfast. She would only cook this much, when we were having guests over, which rarely happened. My mother trusted no one.
"Are we having guests over for breakfast? That's an unusual amount of food for just four people." I arch my eyebrow and point at the high stack of sausages that filled one of the million s of plates on the table. My mother smacks my finger away and the words that she'd always say tom me growing up replay n my mind: "Pointing at food is disrespectful."
"Sorry," I mumble while washing the dishes she had made use of while preparing breakfast.
This time, she arches her eyebrow and places her hands on her hips.
"Amari Williams...washing the dishes without anyone having to beg him to do so? Who are you, and what have you done to my son?" she laughs.
I laugh nervously as well, hoping my mother doesn't figure out that I'm really up to something.
"Like I said mom, I'm really just trying to help where I can. I want to help as much as I can while I'm around" I lie. If it were up to me, I'd be in bed right now, not cleaning the mess that Jamila creates daily in the kitchen and living room.
"Well, I hope you're not up to anything, Amari. I have a very special day planned for us today...more specifically for you," she says with an excited smile.
Something planned...for me? She can't plan something for me, I already have plans with Summer.
"How come I never knew about this?" I ask following her as she moves around the kitchen happily. What could it be that has her in such a good mood? She never used to get this excited when we had guests coming over.
"Because it was a surprise, Mari." She gives me a look that says I should've figured that out already. I hate surprises. I hope we won't be having a bunch of my mother's old friends here again. The last time they came over, Jamila and I had to sit in the living room with them, listening to their conversations with my mother while slowly sipping on their tea.
"Tea?" My mother holds up a full cup of what smells like chamomile tea in front of me with an eager look.
"Chamomile tea? I only drink that when I'm nervous, and when I need to be calmed," I tell her.
"Exactly why I'm giving this to you. Today's guests are very important, and I need you to be as calm as possible," she says laying out plates and calling on Jamila and the nanny to join us for breakfast. She then forces the cup into my hand and tells me to drink up, but I place the cup back on the table.
"Mom, what is going on? I wasn't expecting any guests and I definitely don't want anyone coming over to see me unless it's Jason or Summer!" The words roll out of my mouth louder than I had expected and before I can even process them.
"Summer! Summer! The girl next door, huh? When are you going to accept that you cannot be with her, Amari!?"
"I never will, mom! Because the alternative would be dying alone and never finding true love...is that really what you want for me?" I take a step closer to her, but she throws the cloth hanging on her shoulder on the table and pushes past me.
"That..." She points out of the window to Summer's house. "That is not true love," she says firmly.
'How would you know mom? You've never even given us a chance. You've never bothered to hear how I feel about Summer. What about how I feel, mom?"
Before she can reply, Jamila and the nanny walk in. Jamila looks adorable in her pink onesie and her presence forces me to push the argument I just had with my mother to the back of my mind.
"Morning sunshine," I say carrying Jamila in my arms. "How about we brush our teeth before having breakfast, yeah?" She nods and we head off to the bathrromm to brush our teeth and rinse our faces.
...
Everyone around the table is quiet as we have our breakfast. All that can be heard is the cutlery hitting against our plates every now and then. I can feel my mother's eyes on me as she chews her food.
"We're having Lily and her mother over for dinner tonight," she announces.Who the hell is Lily? I show no interest in her announcement, simply because I don't want to be around when this Lily girl comes over.
"That sounds nice," the nanny says politely. She must have taken note of the tension between my mother and I , and is trying to hide it from Jamila.
"Oh, trust me, it's going to be great. Her mother and I have become close friends, and after sharing enough information about them, we've come to think that Lily and Amari should meet up. We think they'd be...compatible."
My forks drops to the floor, I almost choke on my food and my eyes shoot up at my mother. The nanny glares at her just as stunned by her words. At that point, I didn't care if I would regret anything I was about to say.
"Why? WHY are you trying to control my life?" I ask her calmly.
She ignores me and chews on. The nanny takes Jamila's hand and tells her that it's time she takes a bath. Jamila grabs another sausage and runs off with then nanny. As soon as the door closes behind them, my mother stands up and starts clearing the table.
"Mom, I'm asking you a question!" I say louder than before.
"And I choose to not answer you," she says sternly.
"No, no, no. You have no choice but to answer me, because first, you sent me to a boarding school far away from home, and then, you told me to cut off the love of my life." I point at Summer's house just like she did before. "And now, you're forcing me to love someone else? To pretend I care about some random Lily girl because you think you know what I want?"
She attempts to walk past me, but I block her by standing in front of her.
"Answer me, mom. Why are you trying to ruin and control my life?" I ask impatiently for a second time. I search her eyes looking for answers. Was it fear that drove her to such great measures? Even if it was, she had no right to dictate who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
"It's not about what you want anymore, Amari. It's about what you need," she finally says.
"Summer is what I need, mom. It's always been Summer."
"How would you know that? You're too blinded by love to realise what you need." She pushes me aside and walks past me. So, she knows I love Summer yet she refuses to let us be together.
"How does it feel knowing that you're doing to me exactly what your father once did to you?" I ask. She shoots me a look. "You are no different from him."
Her eyes fill with tears immediately and I know that I've hit a nerve, but I don't care. If she doesn't care about how I feel, then I won't either.
I walked back to my room without an apology or saying anything else. I went straight to my window and waited for Summer to wake up and open her curtains. I knew the first thing I'd see when she opened them would be her bright smile, and that was exactly what I needed after the hectic morning I had had with my mother.
I waited, and waited, and waited, but it seemed as if Summer was more tired than usual. I called her and she replied with her sleepy voice.
"Good morning," she croaks.
"I've been waiting for you all morning. Are you planning on getting up anytime soon?" I ask.
She giggles and I hear her footsteps over the phone. I watch her open her curtain and then tug herself back into bed. She had on a mini night dress that barely covered her thighs and I had to wipe the drool from around my mouth as quickly as possible before she noticed it.
"No, I'm not planning on waking up anytime soon, but I know how badly your weird self wants to stare at me, so you can watch me sleep," she says. I laugh while she slowly closes her eyes.
"I love you," she whispers before closing her eyes and snoring softly a few minutes later. Her snore wasn't loud and violent. It was soft and could probably send me to sleep if I listened to it all night.
"I love you too," I sigh before hanging up.
As soon as the evening came, I sat in my room conflicted, with my curtains closed and my door locked. Summer had woken up and I didn't know how to tell her that I'd have to cancel our plans, so I closed my curtain and pretended to be asleep from morning until now.
My mother was clearly not cancelling her stupid dinner with Lily and her mother, even after I had spent an hour begging her to do so. She believed Lily was my "soul-mate," and that I'd love her the moment I laid eyes on her.
To make matters worse, my mother stayed home the whole day, cleaning up, rearranging and beautifying the house with old ornaments she had stored in the basement. She was going all the way out to impress Lily and her mother, and "that was enough reason for me to prove that whoever Lily was, she was not my soul mate. Because if we had to change who we were and try to look "better" to impress them, then our relationship would never work out anyway, because the real me would always find a way to show himself.
"Amari! Come out here and help me with this chicken!"my mother yells. I ignore her just like I did when she called me to help her with setting up the candles. Yup, she got candles for her little dinner party too!
I hear a soft knock on my door and I'm certain it's Jamila. She is the only one in the house with hands tiny enough to produce such a soft sound.
I unlock the door and as soon as Jamila comes inside, my mother barges in behind her.
A trap! I should have known.
Jamila wanders around the room and opens my curtain. My mother opens my cupboard without saying a word to me and starts picking out an outfit which includes a white shirt that I haven't worn in years.
Jamila is too busy looking outside the window to pay attention to us. I look outside with her to see what has caught her attention so much, and only then do I notice Summer standing at her window watching me with sad eyes.
I can't help but eel bad. She's wearing a read dress with white lace details, and she's tied her hair into a messy bun. She looks amazing and you can tell that she was looking forward to us going out. I should have just told her from the beginning instead of letting her get her hopes high like this.
I stood there not knowing what t do, and the fact that my mother was in the room with me meant I couldn't say anything to her either. I mouthed the words: "I'm sorry." My mother sees this and pulls the curtain closed, almost detaching it from the railing.
"Get out of your head, Amari! Our guests are arriving soon, and you're not even dressed appropriately yet. Do you expect to usher them in with that on?"she asks pointing at my outfit: sweatpants, a hoodie and slippers. Old, brown slippers that should have been thrown away a long time ago.
"I don't see why not. It's not like I want to be at the dinner anyway. Why should I put effort into my outfit?
Before my mother can give me a piece of her mind, a car hoots outside. She drops the clothes as fear floods her face. She points outside. "Go, let them in the house,"she instruct. Oh, so now I can go outside.
I turn to walk out but she stops me. "Not with those shoes, Amari. Anything but those shoes.
I shrug and pull off my old slippers, and walk out with my black socks that have holes in front of each of them. She did say anything but the slippers.
I walk out before my mother can stop me. The car parked outside is a Mercedes and I can immediately tell why my other put in somuch effort into making the house look good. Lily's family was clearly LOADED with money. You could see it in the expensive labels that covered the driver's clothes. I figured she was Lily's mother. She was tall and dsrk with way too much red lipstick and perfumeo on. She hugged me with a smile but then looked down at my socks and frowned. I wiggled mt exposed toes a little, causing her to walk offiin disgust. It was a great first impression for someone I didn't want to get alone with if you ask me.
Now, for Lily. I waitted for her on the staircase just outside the house making sure no Vipers were around. I kealked out of the car and her appearance blew me away. She was nothinng like her mother. She didn't wear designer clothes and high heels. You couldn't smell her perfume all the way from the car and tehre was no bright red gloss on her lips. She had long straight hair which was tied into a ponytail. Even though she wore lose pants and a hoodie just like me, you could tell she wasn't as thin and brittle as her mother.
She walks up ste staircase towardsme. I notice that she's wearing one of the latest pair of Jordans.
"Nice toes," she says walking past me and into the house. Her sarcasm suprisingly makes me laugh while I look down at my exposed toes. I find myself laughing even louder, and when I look to my side, still on the look out for Vipers, my eyes meet Summer's, who is standing at her doorstep, with a confused look on her face.
My smile fades and her eyes begin to fill with tears. I know exactly what Summer think this is, and this time, it literally isn't what it looks like.
I remember promising myself that I'd never make Summer cry again, that I'd never break her heart or her trust. Yet, here she is with tears streaming down her face.
I try to speak but the only words that come to mind are: "It's not what it looks like."
I can't possibly say that. She wouldn't believe me. No one ever believes those words because 90% of the time, it really is what it looks like.
"Yo...you cancelled our plans fo..for her?"she asks softly with a pained voice.
"Summer it's not what it...
Before I can explain fully, I ma dragged by my arm back into the house. I look up and meet my mother's angry face.
I tried to fight her off. I needed to go back to Summer and explain that I'd never leave her for anyone else. I needed her to know that I didn't even know the girl who I had just laughed with, and that she meant nothing to me.
My mother managed to drag me in. She closed and locked the door behind me. She slid the key into her pocket and gave me a stern look.
"Do not test my patience Amari," she warns. I push past her, past the living room where Lily and her mother are seated and to my room. My toes begin to feel cold, so I put on a new pair of socks.
I lock my door and reach for my phone underneath my pillow. I need to call Summer.
I opened my curtain, but couldn't see her through my window. She had closed her curtains and I knew they would stay closed if I didn't fix this immediately.
I dialled her number. Once... Twice... Three times!
The fourth time, my mother began banging on my door. Summer still didn't pick up my calls.
"Come on Summer!"
"Amari Williams! Leave your room this instant before I break this door down! Why are you being so difficult!" My mother yells like a crazy woman from the other side of the door.
For crying out loud, doesn't she understand that I don't want to be at her stupid dinner!?
I throw marbles at Summer's window as her phone continues to ring unanswered.
My mother continues to bang on my door and I begin to feel dizzy and weak at my knees. My head begins to hurt and it feels like my mother is pounding on it each time she bangs on my door. Am I passing out? I can't be. Not before fixing things with Summer.
I should send her a text.
She'll reply to those, right?
I open my texts and look for Summer's chat. Now,my head begins to spin and I have to try my best to click on her chat while everything around me seems to spin. I accidentally click open a text from an unsaved number.
The text is attached to a picture, but I ignore it and view the unknown person's profile. My eyes widen. I know that profile picture from anywhere...
Why is Cassie texting me? Why now!?
I went back to her text, read it, and then loaded the picture.
NO!
I read the text twice or three times more. I viewed the picture from different angles. This is not what I expected the second day of being home to be like! This couldn't be happening to me. Not to me!
The room begins to spin faster and the sound of my mother banging on my door begins to fade as I drop to the ground. My eyes begin to close as I lose control of all my senses, but the text continues to read itself in my mind:
"Congratulations. You're going to be a father."