I stood there in shock, not knowing what to do or say. Cassie had just shot my uncle...my evil uncle who attempted to kidnap me, but claimed to be on my side. What if he wasn't lying? Now how would I know by what my uncle meant by what he said?
"Cassie, what have you done!?" I ask her angrily. I marched up to her and grabbed the gun out of her hand. She grabbed it back. "Why the hell do you have a gun?"
"I was trying to protect you Amari! And, my father is a drug dealer, how could i not have a gun!?"
"You could have done something else! You could have just shot his leg!"
"You think that would stop him? He would have immediately pulled out his gun and shot me!" she defends.
"What on earth makes you think he would shoot you if he hadn't shot me already?" I ask frustrated. I couldn't stand to look at Uncle Shaun's lifeless body. I took a few steps away from it to avoid the blood which continued to ooze out.
"I don't know Amari, okay! I had to act fast, and to shoot him was the first thing that came to my mind when i heard him knocking on the bathroom door. The Vipers are unstoppable, and you should be grateful that i killed him."
I laughed sarcastically. "The Vipers are unstoppable?" I question. "And how would you know that Cassie?"
She looked at me dumbstruck and out of words. She ignored my question and told me to help her carry the body. I refused and walked back to her room to collect all my belongings. There was no was i could stay, and no way that i would ever come back. None of this would have happened if I had just stayed loyal to Summer and listened to my mother when she said I shouldn't leave the school premises.
I started walking back to school and I arrived at 5pm. Once again, Deshae was walking in with another girl.
I decided that it was time I swallowed my pride and mended our friendship. I couldn't stand being alone anymore anyway.
"Deshae!" I called behind him. Surprisingly, I didn't have to call a second time. He turned around, looked at me and then said something to the girl before coming towards me. I began to panic. I didn't think Deshae would actually consider listening to me, so I didn't practice what i was going to say.
"What up?" he asks in a cool and calm manner. It was as if we never fought.
"How have you been doing?" I ask awkwardly. He's calmness was making me nervous.
"I've been doing great. I'd be better if you could cut the small talk and tell me why exactly you called me over here, so that I can back to what I was doing," he says pointing at the girl who was patiently waiting in her mini skirt and tank top. She was barely wearing anything, but she was definitely more covered up compared to the other girls Deshae would bring in.
"Look Deshae, I need to apologise for all the things I said that day we argued. I hate knowing that i ruined such a great friendship. I've realised that you were right, I am a bad person for what I did to Summer."
"What you did to Summer? Or what you're still doing to Summer?" he asks folding his arms.
"I swear, I haven't seen Cassie since the day you and I argued. I wanna treat Summer right, and i want us to mend this friendship. I just need your trust," I plead. He stares at me with his hand on his chin, as if making an important decision.
"Well, you're not getting it," he says coldly. My eyes widen. I was hoping that he was taking that long to think it through because he was ACTUALLY considering forgiving me, but clearly not.
"What? Why not" Deshae was never the type to hold a grudge. He'd always let things slide whenever we argued, even when i was wrong.
"Look, Amari, I'd rather be friendless than have a friend like you. You're not back because you want us to mend this friendship, you're back because you're lonely! You probably never even really considered me as your friend, I was just there to keep you company. You will never have my trust back, and I hope Summer is smart enough to not give it to you either."
His words are cold and sharp, and I can tell he means every single word.
He turns on his heels but then stops. "And next time you try lying to me, or Summer, try and hide the red lipstick marks on your shirt."
I looked down at my collar, and there they were, red marks from the lipstick that Cassie had on. Deshae walked off with his hand around the girl's neck.
Why couldn't Deshae just understand? He sees me as this bad guy, which i am definitely not! I know I was wrong for cheating on Summer, but I was confused and pressurised by him and the terrible state I was in after I found my uncle and aunt daed.
I was beginning to feel better about their passing, but now that Uncle Shaun had been murdered right in front of me, a new wound had been opened. I was not frustrated because I cared about him, I was frustrated because of what he said before Cassie shot him. It was also quite traumatic to see someone die right in front of me. Cassie handled that gun like a pro, like she had shot someone before.
I dragged myself back to my room while my trying to make sense of Uncle Shaun's words. "I'm on your side." How dare he try to trick me into believing that he actually cares for me? He probably just sees me as some vulnerable little boy who believes everything he hears!
Wait...
What if he wasn't lying? I mean...it's a possibility, right? What if he finally made peace with my mother back in Detroit, and he was here to pick me up and take me back home? I would've called my mother to confirm that, but I couldn't because then she'd freak out and scold me for being off school premises.
But...he killed my uncle and aunt. The chances of him ever making peace with my family are slim, very slim.
"Oh, hey. You're back..." Kevin says awkwardly as I open the door to our room. "I didn't expect you to be back so soon," he continues. 'Neither did I, but my side chick killed my Uncle and so i left earlier than expected,' my subconscious replies.
Kevin was with his girlfriend playing some board game with a bunch of snacks and food around them. Clearly, they weren't expecting company, not even the other owner of the room.
I couldn't stay. I promised Kevin that I'd always give him space when his girlfriend was around because he'd always cover for me when I slept outside of the school. He didn't know I was sleeping at Cassie's. He probably wouldn't cover for me if he did. After Summer got me that gift, he became very fond of her.
"It's okay, I'll find another place to sleep tonight," I say turning around. Kevin throws a packet of Doritos at me and I catch them while thanking him.
"So much for being a nice guy. Now where am I going to sleep?" I ask myself while roaming around the school. Cassie's place was not an option. I never wanted to go back there until I found out what Uncle Shaun meant by what he said.
I couldn't go to Deshae's room, he had company. Even if he didn't, he'd never let me in.
I was stranded and alone once again. Then, an idea came to mind. The school library! All I needed to do was sneak into the library without any teacher seeing me. That was the only place in the school which didn't have cameras in it. I'd probably shiver the whole night because the library was cold, and winter was approaching as the end of the year approached too, but I had no choice.
I sneaked through the back window. The window was small, but so was I, making it easy for me to make my entrance. I walked around the dark room trying to find a place proper enough to sleep. I kept bumping into tables and shelfs, because I couldn't turn on any lights, or else the teachers would know for sure I was in there.
I grabbed a few cushions that I found while making my way to the librarians table. It was wide and had an opening underneath it. The opening was initially made for foot space, but that night, it would work as my tiny bedroom. I laid the cushions on the floor and placed one on top of me. I said a short prayer asking God to protect Summer, and to protect me from any bugs that roamed the library floor at night. As uncomfortable as I was, I fell asleep within seconds.
"Hey...get up," a voice whispers while shaking me lightly. The voice sounded just like Summer's.
"Summer, is that you?" I ask rubbing my closed eyes.
The woman giggles. "No, but if you open your eyes, you'll know who I am."
I knew by the way she laughed that it definitely was not Summer. Summer had a loud but sweet giggle.
I opened my eyes and I was met by a smiling face. It was a beautiful, white woman, and she was clearly way older than me. She had golden brown hair and brown eyes. She was just a few inches shorter than me.
"Hi, I'm Ms Jones," she says politely, while offering me her hand. "But you can call me Karen."
I shake her hand hesitantly. She smiles and helps me out of the table.
"I'm the librarian. I came here early because I noticed some of the chairs and tables were knocked over. Would you like to explain what happened here?" she asks. All this time, she kept the same polite smile and spoke as softly as she could.
"I...I'm sorry Ms Jones..."
"Karen," she corrects me.
"Right. I just didn't know where else to go. I'll clean up the mess and get going," I say turning to look at the knocked over tables from last night, but to my surprise, they're already back in their rightful places, neater than before.
"As you can see, that's already done for you. It is my job to make sure this place is tidy after all," she shrugs.
"Oh," I say feeling embarrassed and scratching the back of my head.
"Listen, I'm not going to snitch on you to the Head Master for sneaking into the library, but I do need one thing from you. I need you to take a seat," she says pulling out a wooden chair in front of her table. "And I want you to tell me who you are and what led you to sleeping in here."
I looked at the seat and then back at her. Why would the librarian waste her time listening to a 17-year-old's problems?
"With all due respect mam, I don't think that would be a good idea," I say with my best manners. I don't mean to upset her. That's the last thing I'd want to do.
"Why? Because I'm 26 and you don't think someone my age would want to listen to your problems?" she asks. I remain slient, amazed by how she knew exactly what was on my mind.
"I'm not like the other teachers. I've seen you in here a couple of times, and each day you'd look sadder than the one before. It seems like you're going through a lot, maybe I could help," she says, trying to convince me to open up to her.
I don't ussualy open up to strangers, but in this case, I had no else to talk to but her. Besides, maybe it'd be better to talk to a complete stranger because then they'd have no past to judge me by.
I sighed and took a seat, bringing a smile to Karen's face. She sat on her chair across me and patiently waited for me to speak.
I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped when a learner walked in. He looked clean like he had just taken a shower. I really must have overslept, and I was obviously going to miss classes.
"Don't worry, he wont hear you," Karen assures me. I nod and start telling her everything. I start off with my name and my childhood. How I grew up with my younger sister and mother, and without my father, and how the rest of my mother's family is out to kill Jamila and I. After telling her that, I could see the pity all over her face, and I hated the fact that she felt sorry for me.
So, I started telling her about a more positive side of my life. I told her about Summer, how she came into my life and made everything seem like it was going to be okay. I told her about the time she came to visit me, and when I went to visit her. Karen asked me how I made it all the way to Detroit. and I told her Cassie drove me. Cassie!
"Who's Cassie?" Karen asks leaning in on her table.
My head sinks. Telling Karen about Cassie and I would give her all the reasons in the world to judge me, and that is exactly what I did not want.
"Hey, it's okay. Take your time," she says touching my shoulder.
"She's the girl I cheated on Summer with," I sigh. Karen gasps, and her eyes move to the red lipstick on my collar "Several times," I admit.
There's silence between us for a while. I can't make out what the look on her face is. Disappointment? Anger? Confusion? She's probably surprised that the boy who spoke so highly of his girlfriend is the same one cheating on her.
"Why?" she finally asks. I run my hands through my hair and shrug. "Were you perhaps lonely?" she asks again.
My head sinks, and this time I keep it there as my tears fall rapidly. Everything I had went through came crashing back and every wound felt fresh again. Karen handed me a tissue and I started to explain the series of events that lead to me being the monster I am. I explained that I tried to resist Cassie, but my loneliness always got the best of me.
It felt useless explaining this to her. She and everyone else would never understand what I went through. I was separated from my best friend, my girlfriend and the only family I had just to try and stay alive. I had to live in a completely new area where I knew no one. I was forced to make friends with someone just because I didn't want to be alone. I found my uncle and aunt dead in their home, and I lost my Uncle, Shaun, before he could explain what he meant by his last words. I had every reason to be in the state that I was in, and no one who hadn't been through what I went through would never understand.
"I understand Amari" Karen says with tears in her eyes. My head shoots up and I look at her through blurred eyes.
"You understand?" I question. It felt unreal to hear someone say those words to me.
"I do. But what's going on between you and Cassie needs to stop. Not only will this hurt Summer, but it'll hurt you. If Summer finds out about you two, she won't hesitate to leave you, and judging by the way you spoke about her, I don't think you want that."
"I don't" I admit. "But how am I supposed to fill this loneliness inside of me Karen?"
She wipes her tears and then stares at me with a growing smirk.
"When was the last time you spent time alone?" she asks.
"Time alone? What, you mean like getting dinner alone? Or sitting in my room alone doing nothing? Pshh, a bunch of times."
"That's the problem right there Amari. I think, you've gotten so used to Cassie's company that you've forgotten how to enjoy your own company."
"What is there to enjoy? I don't want to be alone because that's when all these bad memories start to haunt me."
"Maybe you should switch things up a bit. Go for a movie, replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts," she suggests.
"Positive thoughts? I barely have anything positive to think about."
"What about your mother? Or Jamila...or Summer!" she says.
The minute she says her name, I remember that I haven't called Summer back since yesterday night. I'd have to make it up to her to avoid any more fights.
"You can still turn your situation around, Amari. You can still choose to stay loyal to Summer and to love yourself more. Trust me, your life will begin to fall in place, and so much more will make sense." Karen holds my hands in hers and squeezes it.
For the first time in a long time, I felt a spark of hope. Karen listened to me and gave me advice without judging or scolding me.
I thanked her for taking the time to listen to me, and she begged me to come see her again after a week, just to make sure I was on the right track. I promised her I would and then walked out of the library back to my room. Hopefully, Ayesha was gone, and I'd be able to take a decent shower and get some rest. I barely got enough sleep under that library desk.
I pushed open the door and found that no one was inside. Thank God!
I locked the door and went into the shower as quickly as possible. I made sure to take my time and relax as much as I could. I felt much better afterwards. Maybe Karen was right about this whole "self-love" thing.
I called Summer twice before realising that she was still at school, and probably left her phone at home. So, I kept myself busy by cleaning both ides of the room until it was spotless.
Exhausted and satisfied with my work, I threw myself onto the bed and started counting the ceiling tiles above me. I checked the time, and it was still 11 am. I sighed deeply and looked at the room around me: empty. The loneliness was beginning to find its way back into my heart again.
"Maybe I could go see Cassie," I say before thinking the idea through. Karen's words replay in my head before I reach the door- "If Summer found out about you two, she wouldn't hesitate to leave..."
I listen to the words play over and over in my mind, and I finally decided to sit back down.
If I can't go to Cassie's, what else am I supposed to to avoid feeling lonely?
As if I'm not being tempted enough already, my phone rings and when i check the caller-ID, I realise it's Cassie.
She's probably going to ask me to come over. She'd apologise for what happened and we'd be cool again. She'd fill my loneliness and make me forget about Uncle Shaun, Uncle Jon and Aunt Rashawn.
I take a while to answer and before I can hit the reply button, my phone stops ringing and the call goes on voicemail.
"Damn it!" I yell throwing my phone across the room. Maybe that was a sign from the universe. I really needed to get myself together. Not just for me, but for Summer...
For the rest of the week, I avoided Cassie. I blocked and deleted her numbers, and unfollowed her on every social media platform. I was proud of myself, and so was Karen.
I made sure to call Summer as much as possible, and she had never been happier. She realised I was trying harder to become a better boyfriend, and I appreciated her for noticing. When she asked about the man who was knocking at the door the other day, I lied and told her it was just the cleaner who had been waiting for me to leave the room so that he could clean without disturbances. I know it was wrong to lie, but I promised myself that it was the last time I'd lie to Summer, about anything. I would talk to my mother more often instead of declining her calls. Speaking to her and Jamila would always brighten my days.
Everything was falling back into place, just like Karen had said it would, but I couldn't lie and claim that I believed it would stay that way. I had gotten so used to pain and loneliness, that when good things started happening, I feared that they wouldn't last as long as I wanted them to.
I woke up on Monday morning feeling refreshed. I was going to be writing my last Grade 11 exam paper, and the week after that, I'd be going back home to Detroit. Schools were finally closing, and I'd finally be able to go back to my family, Jason and Summer.
I hadn't performed very well in my past exam papers. I barely studied because I was always at Cassie's house. And if I wasn't at Cassie's house, I was in my own room crying my sorrows away. I had no idea what my results were going to look like, but I had decided a long time ago that there was no use in worrying over them. I couldn't change what I had written in those papers, I'd just have to make sure I work as hard as possible for the rest of the papers.
I was well prepared for my accounting exam. I may have done badly in chemistry, but that didn't matter because I wouldn't need the subject to become an accountant. Many have called me crazy for dreaming of becoming an accountant. They believe that once you're born into Detroit, you can never make it out and become something big. My mother didn't believe in me either. Not because she doubted my capabilities, she just thought I'd never even get the chance to go to college because of the Vipers.
But I had hope, and after speaking to Karen for a second time., I have even more of it.
I showered and put on my black jeans, a black top and my white Jordans. After combing my messy hair, I went out to have breakfast.
Deshae came out of his room almost at the same time as I did. I slowed down in attempts to talk to him as he came closer. He noticed this and stopped, turned around and walked back to his room. I sighed and walked into the dining hall while looking downwards, in attempts to hide the hurt and embarrassment evident on my face. I guess it was really over for my friendship with Deshae.
I stood in the long line behind every other hungry student. You'd only realise how crowded our school was in the mornings, because during dinner time, half of the learners would disappear. But the school's breakfast was amazing, and so nobody wanted to miss it.
I filled my plate with scrambled eggs and two streaks of bacon. Then, I grabbed a side plate and moved on to the next serving station. One of the chefs brought in a tray of freshly baked bagel,s and I made sure to get myself two of those. But, when I saw the variety of mouth-watering doughnuts next to the bagel tray, I decided to take just one bagel and one doughnut...
WAIT!
Doughnuts?
The school never makes doughnuts, unless the...
"Amari, I need to speak to you," a voice whispers behind me while pulling on my t-shirt. I turn around startled and gasp when I realise who's behind me.
"What the hell are you doing here Cassie?" I ask irritated.
"I need to speak to you, okay. You weren't answering any of my calls so I had to convince the scout girls to come here again so that I could see you." she explains. She had this unfamiliar look on her face which I couldn't quite understand. Fear? Cassie could never be afraid of anything, or could she?
I really didn't want to speak to Cassie alone, but when I considered the fact that she may be this shaken because Summer found out about us, I had to hear her out. I sighed and pulled her outside. She followed and closed the door once we were out of everyone's sight.
"This better be good Cassie. What do you want?" I ask the most threatening tone.
"I wanna know why you left." She folds her arms and chews her bubblegum carelessly, waiting for me to answer her.
"Are you telling me you came all this way to find out why I stopped messing with you?"
"I don't think I stuttered." She shrugs and continues with her assault to the bubblegum in her mouth.
I chuckle in disbelief. "You really don't get it, do you? Listen to me, and listen to me very well Cassie," I say. "I will not continue to act like I have any interest in you when you know very well that I love Summer."
"You? Love Summer? Yet I'm the one you've been sharing a bed with for the past few weeks," she laughs.
I clenched my fists and took two deep breaths to stop myself from losing all control. "Listen, Cassie. I'm sorry that I made you think this could ever work. I'm with Summer, and I don't want to betray her anymore. You should do the same," I say calmly.
I attempt to walk past her and back into the dining hall, but she grabs hold of my arm and pulls me back in front of her. Only then do I notice the tears forming in her eyes. Did she actually like me?
"You cannot do this Amari, you just can't! If you didn't want to be with me, you should have never called me that night you were alone. You can't just make me believe that you want me when really you don't," she sobs. My eyes widen and my mouth hangs open. My mind refuses to even believe that these words are coming from Cassie.
"Cassie, I never wanted you, I just..."
She doesn't let me finish. She slaps my cheek so hard that I almost lose my balance and fall. I was convinced that everyone in the dining hall had heard it. I look back at her in disbelief, and she silently stares at me with broken and teary eyes.
"You...ne...never wanted me?" she asks while shaking her head.
I couldn't answer her. She looked broken already, and I knew my answer would only make matters worse.
"You have no idea who you've just hurt Amari." She turns around and storms into the dining hall. I try to follow her, but she runs out of the hall crying, causing everyone in the hall to give me suspicious and curious looks.
I stood there awkwardly, waiting for everyone to turn their attention away from me, but they weren't giving in. It was like they were all waiting for me to explain what had happened.
A fat kid who had watched the whole scene and was chewing one of the doughnuts from the many he had on his plate stopped, pointed at me and loudly said: "Hey man, if we don't get anymore doughnuts after today, I'm coming after you."
Everyone burst out laughing at the kid's statement. I took it as an opportunity to get away from their staring faces and have my breakfast in my little corner at the back of the dining hall. I ate as quickly as possible and then rushed to the exam room to write my final paper.
"Amazing, Summer! It was amazing! I tell her while walking out of the exam room. I had expected the paper to be a challenge because I was a little distracted after my encounter with Cassie. But it was nothing close to that.
I'm so proud of you Mari!" she yells with her loud voice. "I wish I was there to celebrate with you."
"You have no idea how much I'd love that. It's no biggie though, cause the week after this, I'll be all yours." I assure her.
"The week after this? Did I miss something? Is something happening?" she asks confused. I hadn't told her about me coming home yet.
"What if I told you I'd be coming home soon?" Summer gasps.
"No! You can't be serious!" she says in awe.
"You do know that we get to go home for the holiday season to , right?" I remind her.
Summer screams my name in excitement through the phone making my ears hurt from how loud her voice is. She's really the loudest girl I have ever come to meet.
She screams like this for another minute, while I sit on a huge rock in the school garden, waiting for her to calm down.
"Oh my gosh! We should make plans! Definitely! We should go for a movie, and ice-cream, and shopping!" She makes those high-pitched sounds again.
Summer seemed to had forgotten that it wouldn't be easy for me to leave the house, because even with Uncle Shaun dead, the Vipers were still after me. My mother would never let me out of the house.
"Yup, we'll definitely do all of that Summer-time," I lie, and I know I said I wouldn't, but I didn't want to burst her bubble by reminding her that I couldn't leave the house. It was for a good cause.
We continued to catch up while I walked around the school. I didn't want to go to my room just yet. After my call with Summer, I planned on heading to Deshae's room. He must find me to be very annoying by now, but I needed to try and apologise, one last time.
After giving me a full plan on what we would do together once I got back to Detroit, Summer finally hung up. I already missed her voice. I slowly walked to Deshae's room, thinking of what exactly to say to him. Would he even bother listening to me? What if this was just a waste of time?
I knocked on the door a couple of times before Deshae opened up. The door wasn't even fully open before he noticed me and slammed it shut again.
"Deshae! Come on man! I don't want us to fight like this! I know I was wrong, but I am trying to fix this."
He doesn't respond. "Okay, fine, I'll leave," I finally say. "You probably find me to be very annoying right now, so I'll give you your space. I just want you to know that I'm thankful for the times I had with you. We may have not been the best of friends, but I appreciate you, Deshae. I hope you find exactly what you're looking for in life, and that you actually end up with someone who will be a much better friend to you than I was."
I turned to walk away, but then Deshae finally opened his door. I quickly turned back around.
"You are the worst human being to probably ever exist," he says coldly. My head sinks.
"But you're the best worst friend I've ever had, and if we could go back, I wouldn't mind reliving our friendship all over again," he adds after a long silence.
A smirk grows from the corner of his mouth. I nod and thank him before walking away. Maybe Deshae and I weren't meant to be friends. We aren't alike in many ways, and our personalities crash into each other a lot. But, I wouldn't trade him for the world, and I'd never think any less of the friendship we had.
I happily walked to my room and almost dropped to the floor when I saw the state it was in. EMPTY. Completely empty. My wardrobe was left wide open and everything had been taken out of it. The blankets and sheets had been stripped off my bed, and the album op pictures that Summer had made for me which I kept underneath my pillow was nowhere to be found.
"Kevin!" I yell frustrated and confused. "What on earth happened here?"
There was really no use in yelling Kevin's name because he was no where to be found either. His side of the room was still intact and untouched.
I'm about to turn around and report the theft to the office lady, but then two figures jump out of the bathroom: "SURPRISE!"
I turn around startled and my eyes widen in excitement.
My mother?
Jamila?
"What are you two doing here?" I manage to ask. Jamila runs to me with her hands in the air and gives me a tight hug around my knees. My mother pulls out a travelling bag from the bathroom.
"We missed you Mari," Jamila says sweetly. I respond by picking her up and kissing her cheek. My mother comes towards us and wraps her arms around us. They joy on her face is something I wish to see everyday.
Wait a minute...packed bags, an empty room? Could this mean...
"We're going home, Mari," my mother says, as if reading my mind.
Home.
I was finally going home.