Chapter 10
“I don’t know how it happened man…well I do know…I just didn’t think this would be the result,” I tell Jason, whose mouth is still hanging open after I told him about Cassie being pregnant.
“You need to tell her,” he finally says.
“Who?”
“Summer… you need to tell Summer what you’ve done right now. Heck, you should’ve told her the moment you found out!”
“Jason, in case you forgot, I fainted after seeing the picture. How was I going to tell her while laying on a hospital bed?” I ask while running my hands through my hair. Speaking about Cassie, about the baby, about Summer…all of it stressed me out.
“I don’t know, okay. But one thing I am certain of is that girls always find out what you’re hiding from them before you can actually tell them. In your case, she's likely to find out even quicker since Cassie is apparently her best friend.” Jason rolls his eyes.
“Don’t call her that. Cassie is nothing close to a good best friend.” I say. And you’re nothing close to being a good boyfriend-my subconscious reminds me.
“You can’t really blame her. She didn’t make that baby alone after all,” Jason murmurs.
“What? Jason are you really playing the blaming game right now? Are you judging me?” I ask feeling offended. I had no right to feel that way. What Jason said was the truth... the cold, painful and heavy truth that I’d have to stop ignoring at some point. I couldn’t continue to blame Cassie alone, and I couldn’t continue to act like I didn’t have a baby on the way.
“Calm. Down. All I’m trying to do is be a good friend. I’m not going to sit here and lie to you on some: “everything’s going to be okay.” It won’t be Amari, believe me. If you really want to spend the rest of your life with Summer, tell her the truth now. Nothing will make her angrier than finding out from someone else instead of you.”
I sigh in frustration. He’s right, and I hate it.
How did I get myself into this mess? Oh yes, it all started when I found Aunt Rashida and Uncle Jon dead in their home. I was a depressed mess and I went running into Cassie’s arms for comfort. I should have never called her. I should have sucked it up and gone through the pain alone. I would’ve been fine alone…would I?
“Fine.” I throw my hands up in surrender. “How will I tell her though? How should I go about it?”
“Well, you do know her best. Is she short tempered?” he asks.
“Not at all.”
“Then maybe she won’t react as badly as we think she will. Just be as gentle as possible about it,” he suggests.
Jason must be insane to think Summer might not react the way we think she will. Summer is very patient, but no one in their right mind would remain calm after their boyfriend tells them that they’ve made their best friend pregnant.
“What about your mom? Does she know?” Jason asks and I bury my head in my hands.
“No, she doesn’t. She thinks I fainted because of the dinner she had arranged with Lily,” I explain.
“Man, you are so dead!” he exclaims.
“Not helping Jason,” I groan into my palms.
There’s a knock on the door and Jason gets up to attend to it. Jamila walks in and tugs on my jersey. I lift my face up from my palms and smile.
“Are you okay?” she asks with the sweetest voice. She was clearly worried about me.
“I’m perfect Jami" I respond with a growing smile.
“Okay! Mom said you should wash the dishes!” she yells running out of the door. I chuckle and practically force Jason to help me with the dishes.
Walking into the kitchen and seeing the mountain of dishes we created, I begin to wish that it wasn’t a tradition to cook so much on Christmas day or Christmas Eve.
While wiping and packing the pots and pans, Jason tells me about his amazing and healthy, cheating-free relationship with Jasmine. If only I had remained loyal like Jason. I’d be able to guarantee Summer a happy and honest relationship. Instead, there I was, not even certain if she’d take me back after finding out what I had done.
“Are you even listening to me?” Jason asks, kicking my leg.
“Huh? What? What was that for?” I ask rubbing my leg. Honestly, I wasn’t listening. I stopped when he began with the story on what she got him on Valentine’s day.
“Okay, clearly, if we don’t figure out what you’re going to do now, you’re going to die of stress. So, what’s your game plan?” Jason asks.
I load a bunch of cups into the sink to wash while trying to figure out a plan. Nothing came to mind.
“I have no idea.”
“Look, I think you should tell you mom first, that way…”
“Tell me what?”
Jason and I turn around startled. “Mom? I thought you were in bed.” My voice is shaky. That happens when I lie, and she knows it.
“I came to make sure you guys were getting the dishes done as I said you should,” she says rubbing her eyes. “Now, what do you have to tell me first?”
Jason and I glance at each other, and then back at my mother. Think Amari, think. If you take too long to answer, she’ll know you’re lying.
Jason nudges me lightly and chuckles nervously. “Come on, Amari, tell her.”
Is he doing this on purpose? Does he really expect me to tell her…now!?
“I…I…” my mother frowns. “I wanted to ask you if Summer could come over,” I say, “…in two days.”
“Two days Mari!? That’s a little late notice, don’t you think?” my mother asks. She bought it.
“I know, I know. That’s why I was so hesitant to ask,” I lie with my best innocent voice.
“I really don’t mind Summer coming over son, let’s just make it three days from now, not two, okay?” I nod my head and smile.
“Thanks mom.” She smiles and walks back to her room.
Her door closes behind her and Jason clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “Coward,” he murmurs.
I ignore his remark. He isn’t the one who’s 17 with a baby on the way, so he wouldn’t understand if I told him that it isn’t as easy as it sounds.
A few dishes later, Jason and I were finally done. He left as soon as we finished without a goodbye. It was as if Cassie’s pregnancy stressed him out more than it stressed me.
I spent the rest of my Christmas Eve night alone, flicking through channels while laying on the couch. I began to feel lonely after Jason left, but the fact that Summer would be back in a few days gave me comfort. I tired my best to carry on with the whole “self-love” thing that Karen had introduced me to, but with so much on my mind, self-love wasn’t a priority anymore. At that point, I couldn’t even begin to figure out why I deserved love from myself anyway.
“I’ll be back in a few. I need to get some groceries to replace all the ones we used up tonight.” My mother’s heels click against the tile floor as she walks into the living room and collects all items she throws into her clutch bag. She’s wearing a maroon dress just below the knee, she has on her best wig, and way too much make-up for just grocery shopping. Who does grocery shopping at 8pm anyway?
“Grocery shopping? This late?” I question. She looks at me suspiciously through the top of her glasses and then goes back to collecting her belongings.
“I figured if I went out during the night it would be safer. The Vipers would obviously suspect me to leave the house during the day, so they’d let their guard down during the night,” she explains.
“Mom, that makes no sense. That just makes you more vulnerable to other criminals who attack during the night.”
“I have a car, Amari. I’ll just run them over or something,” she says like it’s the most casual thing to say.
“Fine, since it’s so safe, I’m coming with.” I switch off the TV and head for the door, but she drags me back by my jersey and rushes out before me.
“Nice try, but no.” She slams and locks the door, leaving me lonelier than I was before.
There’s no use. It’s Christmas Eve and while all the other normal families are sharing gifts and having a lovely time with their family, I’m standing in an empty room while the rest of my family is either asleep or gone “grocery shopping.”
I lock my bedroom door and doze off the minute my head hits the pillow.
I’m woken up by my phone’s violent vibrations. I clearly remembered putting it on silent before going to bed to avoid distractions like this. I glance at the alarm clock next to my bed: 2:30 am.
“I swear whoever this is better not be wasting my…” I stop halfway through my sentence when I catch a glimpse of Summer’s beautiful face under the caller ID’s name.
“Hey Summer-time,” I say after picking up as quickly as possible. She giggles and I’m sure my cheeks turn a crimson red.
“Look outside,” she instructs. I’m off of my bed before she says the words, and the moment I look outside the window, my heart melts and the part of me that was an hour way from Detroit is finally back.
She’s here. She’s back earlier than expected, just as she promised.
I can’t stay in here. I have to go see her…feel her.
I run around my room like a mad man trying to find a warm jersey to wear and slippers. I then remember that if I want to sneak out of the house, putting on shoes wouldn’t really be a good decision. Socks would do the trick. Summer looks at me confused this whole time. I lift up my finger as a way of showing her to wait for me. She nods excitedly, but doubtfully too. I was doubtful too, scared at most. If my mother caught me sneaking out at this time of the night, I’d be a goner. But I couldn’t not take the risk. I had to take advantage of every moment I had with Summer, because I wouldn’t know if it would be my last.
After sitting on my bed for less than a minute, planning my escape, I slowly pulled open my door. My slow pace helped as it didn’t make the high-pitched sounds it usually made when it was being opened or closed.
I looked to the left, and the right. The passage was clear, and all the lights were off. I took this as my chance to quietly run to the TV room where it would be easier to run out of the house. Even if the main door makes noise while I open it, it won’t matter because it’s too far from my mother’s room for her to hear.
Getting past her room was the hardest part of it all. She had once told me that she sleeps with one eye open and hears everything that happens during the night. But after I successfully made it to the TV room, I knew she was only trying to scare me. She hadn’t caught me, and I could finally go see Summer…or at least that’s what I thought before the kitchen lights went on.
“Going somewhere?” I didn’t turn around to face her, I didn’t dare. I knew what was to follow: a slap across the face that would probably leave me with a disformed face.
“I….I…” I stutter while trying to decide whether the best option would be to run or to face my mother’s fury.
She touches my shoulder gently and stands in front of me. It’s not my mother… it’s the nanny.
“Go, but be back in 10 minutes, only then will she be back.” She smiles and points towards the door. The fear washes out of me and I give the nanny the most grateful smile possible, because at this point, her kindness has me lost for words.
I ran to Summer’s house scared that a Viper might show up at any time, but eager to finally have Summer all to myself, even if it meant for just 10 minutes…probably 9 now.
“Summer!” I yell, with no care in the world that I might wake the neighbours or even worse, her dad.
She runs out of the door before I can call her a second time. She wastes no time. She jumps on me and wraps her hands so tight around my neck that I know she missed me more than her words could say. Her lips touch mine and my breath quickens. Every touch from her tells me that she missed me, that she needs me and that what she feels for me is purer than anything in this world.
“Never, ever leave me again,” I say after breaking away from each other. She giggles and buries her head in my chest.
“Honestly, I thought me leaving would be more of a punishment for you than for me…but I was wrong. I missed you the moment I left,” she laughs while shaking her head. “And you know what else I realised while I was gone?”
“That you have the most drop-dead-gorgeous boyfriend in the world?” I ask wrapping my arms around her waist. Her body jerks closer to mine as she giggles into me chest.
“No! I realised that I have the craziest, most jealous and definitely the most annoying boyfriend in the world!”
“Annoying?”
“Very! But, with that I also realised that no matter how much you annoy me, how much you freak out over the simplest things or how jealous you get, there isn’t anything that could stop me from loving you. And frankly, I think it’s crazy and scary that someone could have that effect on me…but I don’t care! If that’s what comes with loving you, then so be it. I used to say the words I love you, because that’s what everyone would say to the person they’re in a relationship with. But you’re my best friend, my homie, an older brother and my soul mate. And now that I’ve found meaning in those words…I think you should know that I really, really do love you.” She kisses my cheek and wipes my tears before they all escape from my eyes.
How do I beat that? I have so much to say, yet I don’t know where to start.
“Summer, I…I…” A heavy sigh leaves my mouth. I have to tell her. I mean, I can’t let her pour out her feelings like that knowing I have a secret that could make her take back everything she just said.
Would she?
Would she stop loving me if she found out what I did? Is it really possible for one to just, stop loving someone?
She glares at me with eager eyes, waiting to hear what I have to say. She’s patient, too patient to see that I’m hiding something.
“You’re the best thing that I can remember happening to me. With everything that I’ve lost, from family to friends, you’re the only constant in my life, and…I…I don’t deserve you Summer because…”
She gently places her index finger on my lips, interrupting me from completing my sentence and telling her the truth.
“Don’t say it. You should know that’s not true,” she says.
“But it is Summer…you don’t understand.”
“I do. I understand that you’ve done a load of messed up stuff, but I love you Amari. I am meant for you, and you for me. Everything else isn’t a factor.” She wraps her hands around my waist and tilts her head. “Say something.” She giggles and the thought of telling her about Cassie is pushed to the back of my mind. I’m now more focused on her beautiful smile that somehow lightens up any dull situation.
“I love you too,” I say, and I mean it, she knows I do. The words give her a sense of comfort and she begins to tell me about her stay at Hamilton. She described it as boring and told me that she missed me but wouldn’t admit it to herself…or to me.
“Amari! Quick, get back inside!” the nanny yells from the door.
Summer and I glance at each other. Her bright smile is now replaced with a helpless smirk. She can’t hide her sadness, and neither can I.
“Hey, at least I can come see you sometime, right?” she reminds me.
“It is better than nothing,” I shrug. “I was thinking on your birthday.”
“Not bad, although I was really hoping to spend Christmas with you tomorrow.” She pulls an innocent face and it takes everything in me to not make this promise to her. I couldn’t really be sure my mother would allow Summer to spend Christmas with us.
“I’ll have to speak to my mom about it first,” I say. Her face falls, and she replies with a simple: “cool.”
“Amari!” the nanny yells again. My mother must be just seconds away, but I can’t leave Summer like this.
I lift her face back up with my index finger until our eyes meet. “Remember, I’m meant for you, and you for me, everything else, including my mother and the distance between us, isn’t a factor, Never has been, never will be. So, don’t worry about it. I promise, one day you’ll be so much closer to me, in our own home, that all you’ll wanna do is get rid of me.” She immediately laughs and pecks my lips.
“I’m holding you to that promise. A huge house with enough room so that I can hide from you!” she yells while jogging back into the house.
“Note taken!” I run back into the house as well before the nanny yells my name again. She pushes me in through the door and slams it shut behind her. That same moment, we hear my mother’s car pull into the driveway. I let out a sigh of relief. I made it just in time.
“That was close, too close. Pull a stunt like that again, and I’m never letting you out again, understood?” the nanny asks warningly. I nod my head, although I am practically overflowing with questions.
Why is she doing this…for me?
Why isn’t she worried that the Vipers might get to me while I’m outside?
Why would she take such a risk and disrespect my mother who she has been working for, for so long?
“Go to your room and pretend to be asleep,” she instructs. I nod once again and walk off to the passage but stop midway.
“Thank you...for doing this. It means more than you think,” I say. She smiles and tells me it’s her pleasure, and then rushes me off again.
I know I wanted to tell Summer about Cassie as soon as possible, but after sharing such a beautiful moment with her, I think it's fair and understandable to move my confession to a few days later, maybe even a week...
I woke up on Christmas day and read through the long “Merry Christmas Day” texts from my mother and Summer. I technically only read through Summer’s. It’s not that I didn’t want to read my mothers text, I just knew what it said already because she sends the same text every year: "May you find everlasting peace in the life that you were given by God, and with the people placed around your life. Merry Christmas son."
I knew that this day was more of a dreadful one for my mother than one to rejoice in, because it meant we were getting closer to a new year in which Jamila would have to start going to school. But, besides that, she burst out of her room with a bright smile on her face and gift boxes in her hand. She was barely able to hold all the boxes at once. I knew her smile was fake, and she was trying her best to hide her sadness from Jamila. Jamila loved Christmas, more than anyone else in the house did. She raced across the room with her tiny legs to my mother and helped her place the gifts under the tree.
“Are those all Jamila’s?” I ask my mother, because usually, she’s the only one who gets a Christmas gift. That’s usually because my mother can’t afford gifts for us all. But she couldn’t tell that to Jamila. She’d throw a tantrum for the rest of the holiday if she didn’t get a Christmas gift.
“No,” my mother says proudly. “This year, everyone gets a gift.”
“What?” Jamila and I ask at the same time. There were more than 10 gifts under that tree, which is way more than what we need. Were we having guests over? What if Summer was coming!?
My mind pushes back my crazy dream of my mother inviting Summer over for Christmas. That would never happen.
“That’s right! I was able to get some gift shopping done under your noses,” my mother says. I remember how she had said she was going to do grocery shopping but never really came back with groceries…or gifts. She must have hidden them in the car…smarter than I think.
“Come on! Don’t just stand there, let’s get this Christmas Day started!” my mother yells with an overly-excited voice. I over head to the living room to put on some festive music, but I stop on my tracks when my phone rings and Cassie’s name appears on my screen.
“Sorry, I need to take this.” I scurry off to my room with shaky legs. I lock my door and let my back slide down the wall as I sit on the floor.
I knew that at some point I’d have to talk to Cassie, but I had been so occupied that I had forgotten how nervous I was to talk to her. What was I going to tell her? What if she wants an abortion? What if she’s already had an abortion!?
At the thought of Cassie having an abortion, my fingers swipe across the screen answering her call.
“Hello?” she says two minutes after I am silent.
“Uhm…he…hey.” At this point, I am fully aware that I am completely embarrassing myself. And just to confirm this, Cassie laughs hysterically.
“There’s no need to be awkward. Amari. You know me, I know you and I’m about two months pregnant with your child. We’re no strangers.”
“Two months! Are you kidding me!” I know I was being dramatic. Two months really wasn’t much, but when I thought of the fact that it gave me only 7 months to come clean to Summer and my mother, it freaked me out. Time was going by fast, and with every passing minute that I didn’t tell Summer about Cassie, the chances of her never taking me back for not telling her earlier continue to increase.
“Yes, two months. We started…”
“Okay, okay,” I interrupt her. “I get it, okay?”
“You better, because I refuse to raise this child alone,” she says.
“Really, Cassie? What do you take me for? I’d never abandon my child,” I say, with no idea in the world what kind of life I’ll give that child with no job or money.
“Great then! When are we telling your mother?” she asks.
“My mother?”
“Your mother. I was thinking somewhere next week, before the new year begins. Or we could…”
“Are you insane?” I ask her slowly, making sure that she considers the question very well because frankly, she seems to have lost her mind. Yes, she is the mother of my unborn child, but that doesn’t mean she can set up dates to show up at my home whenever she wants to.
“Excuse me?” Her tone gives away that she is offended and wasn’t expecting my reaction, which is exactly what I wanted. She needed to know and see that I wasn’t the same vulnerable and sad Amari that she knew before. I didn’t need to depend on her for anything anymore, and I wasn’t going to give into everything she wanted.
“Listen, Cassie. We’re going to have a child. This does not make us a couple or even friends. Nothing changes, and I meant what I said at the dining hall that day,” I remind her.
“So, did I. I meant it when I said you don’t know who you’ve just hurt. You hurt the mother of your unborn child, and I have the upper hand now.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I ask, feeling slightly threatened, but hiding it as much as possible.
“It means that if you don’t do this the right way, which is telling your mother, and Summer about me before the new year, then you can forget about having a place in this child’s life. Now I’m sure as a boy who grew up without a father, you wouldn’t want the same for your child, would you?” Her words are enough to make my heart feel like it has stopped beating for a minute or two. Evil isn’t even the word to describe Cassie at this moment. For all my years of living, no one has dared to speak about my father like she did.
“New year is in 6 days, and Summer’s birthday is tomorrow! You can’t expect me to do that!”
“But I do, Amari. Remember, I’m the one carrying the baby, and whatever I want should happen,” she says.
“Cassandra!” A voice yells in the back. Cassie tells the voice that she’s on her way. “That’s my mom. We’re coming to see you guys in two days as well regarding the whole pregnancy thing.” The words fall out of her mouth and into my ear and I can tell that this is all a game to her. Two days?
Two Days!?
“I thought you said before new year’s? That’s 6 days!” My head is spinning, but I refuse to faint again.
“Oops! I lied. Anyway, duty calls, I have to go. Merry Christmas!”
Cassie giggles and the line goes dead.